Friday, August 28, 2009

Stranger than Fiction

Buddy of mine (who only by coincidence happens to be a dedicated deer hunter) was driving over to my place a few years ago. He was behind an old station wagon on the dark and winding road that leads to my house when a deer darted suddenly out of the woods, colliding violently with the car in front of him and hitting it broadside.

Brake lights flashed just before the vehicle rolled drunkenly to the side of the road. Slowing, my friend pulled up behind it, and as he moved closer he saw that the deer had not only smashed in the rear window but was now trapped, stuck halfway in and out of the car, struggling mightily to extricate itself. He heard screams coming from inside the station wagon.

Running over, he saw a white-faced woman driver, then noticed a child passenger in the front seat and another child in the rear. The kid in the rear had scooted far away from the struggling deer and was screaming uncontrollably.

Doing the first thing that came to mind, my friend grabbed the deer by its haunches and began pulling, pulling, trying to get the deer free. After some moments of struggle, the deer pulled free and the two of them fell backwards onto the road.

The two slowly got to their feet, the injured deer snorting, bleating, and kicking all the while. And when my friend got up, he found himself literally face-to-face and eye-to-eye with a horrifically bloody and angry deer.

Unused to this mano a mano encounter, what flashed into my friend's mind at that moment were those videos you sometimes see on TV, where a deer gets up on its haunches and literally begins boxing. So my friend again did the first thing that came to mind. He went into a pugilist stance, putting up his dukes.

The deer stood there a moment longer, no doubt contemplating the crazy human. After my friend began shouting at the thing trying to shoo it away, the deer turned and bolted. Putting down his fists, my friend went to see about the people in the car.

There was blood everywhere, but the people in the car seemed none the worse for wear and tear. My friend waited another moment to double check all was fine. While calming the children, the woman was on the phone to her husband and said she was going to call and report it in to the cops. The situation was under control.

My friend didn't stick around long enough to give his name. His job was done. Coming over to my house, he told the story and we got a few laughs. I guess you'd really have to know my friend to get the full picture.

But in my imagination anyway, I envision the kid in the back seat, his eyes growing wider as he looks out the now broken window and watches the crazy-hero-hunter-guy who just pulled a deer out of the car putting up his dukes and ready to take on the deer.

Ten years older now, I'll bet the kid tells the story to this day.

I know I do.


Unknown said...

punch it on the nose! or is that what you do for sharks? i dunno i think i missed shark week. usually my deer are kind gentle critters. makes sense though. not the punching, the yelling at the deer and frightening it away.

Aaron Polson said...

Stupid deer. Two of them have hit my car. They hit me, not the other way around, of course. Can't they see it's a road?

Brendan P. Myers said...

No surprise you've been hit twice, Aaron. Rumor has it, there are more deer in America now than there were when the pilgrims landed.

Samantha: Do NOT search for "deer punching a hunter" on YouTube. Will spoil the "kind gentle" image!

Unknown said...

Ah, I remember this story. I always loved it.

I remember you either telling a different one though. When I was young I thought you said the deer went through your friend's windshield and started kicking him in the face.

Must have misunderstood. But, how did the deer end up in the back window.

Brendan P. Myers said...

Nope. This is the same story. The deer darted into the road so fast, and hit the car so hard, that it ended up smashing in the rear window and getting stuck halfway in and out of the car.