Friday, September 23, 2011

The Most Wanted Book

Years ago, avant-garde artists Vitaly Komar, Alex Melamid, and David Soldier, set out on an experiment to find "The Most Wanted Art" and "The Most Unwanted Art." They conducted scientific surveys to determine what people liked in their art, what they didn’t, and then set out to create that art.

They did the same thing to far more hilarious results with "The Most Wanted Song" and "The Most Unwanted Song." For example, people disliked harps, bagpipes, dissonance, cowpoke music, operatic sopranos, kids singing, and advertising jingles, so you can bet that when they created "The Most Unwanted Song," it was heavy with all of that and more.

For "The Most Wanted Song," they learned that people liked R&B love songs, male/female duets, tenor sax, and so on. You won’t be surprised that "The Most Wanted Song" provides all of it and then some.

Though old news now, if you’ve never read about or heard either of these songs, you simply must click here (unwanted) and here (wanted) and explore this music. You’ll both be glad you did, and regret it for the rest of your life. Promise!

So what does this have to do with me, or my writing? Nothing actually, except I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I have no idea what I’m doing, I don’t write books or stories that people want to read, and I need to find myself another story-writing mechanism.

And so, after examining the current New York Times Bestseller list, I’ve created the blurb for what will be my next, and no doubt most successful, writing endeavor. I call it: Help Kill Me If You Can: Take Mile 81 to Yakima Street Over Mill River Past The Abbey and Prey:

A young white woman and two black maids find a bag of diamonds. One, an abused widow, will change many lives in her small Vermont town, except those unsuspecting drivers who on the way end up dead after pulling into a boarded-up rest stop on a Maine highway.

Meanwhile, Bruce Peyton’s pregnant wife has left him, and against orders, the former homicide detective begins an investigation into his niece, a master executioner who has had a long and savage journey.

But with the age of flying machines still in its infancy, the son of a serial killer atones for his father’s sins while fighting his own inner demons, and after a colossal battle, the Seven Kingdoms face new threats.

Who will survive the madness? Only Help Kill Me If You Can: Take Mile 81 to Yakima Street Over Mill River Past The Abbey and Prey holds the Key!

Now, for the easy part.

Writing it.

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